Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Fussy Ayelet

Friend of mine sent me a Skype IM (I'm tired of coming up with pseudonyms, so I'll just call her Friend of Ayelet or FOA):

Friend of Ayelet: remind me, are u open to a shidduch in NY?

Of course I am, I live in NY.

FOA: and are u stil open to having kids? or not?
Ayelet: I would love to try if I can
FOA: I know a REALLY nice guy in NY, never married, NOT abnormal.
A: what's his name?
FOA: a baker, VERY GOOD baker, actually. tasted his stuff. hard worker, not afraid to work.

She's not always the best listener. Eventually she got around to the answer.

FOA: His name is DK.
A: Did he go to college?
FOA: 52, I think.

Not the question I asked, but important information.

FOA: I think he went to college, I know he went to culinary school.
A: 52 is very old for me, I'm 41.
FOA: that is NOT old for you, not anymore. up to 10 yrs younger is not even considered a difference, by ANY shadchanim u speak to

Kind of moot, since I no longer speak to shadchanim.

FOA: and he is healthy, and just a REAL MENTSCH
A: I'm just not comfortable with it.
FOA: would NEVER disrespect any lady 

We're not communicating.

A: I believe you, but I'm not comfortable with that kind of age difference and education difference. Together it's too much.
FOA: ok, ur prerogative to be as fussy as you choose. your life. Just wanted to help, cuz i think ur a nice woman, and i KNOW he's a nice guy
u just assumed an education differnce
for all we know he IS a college graduate
and beyond that, I KNOW intelligence, common sense, and personalities. I am a Mensa member. and a college grad. i KNOW if someone is "smart enough" or not. 

Fine, but I KNOW myself, and I'm not comfortable with someone 11 years older than I am.

The best defense is offense, right?

A: Why aren't you dating him?
FOA: I'm in a whole different WORLD -- i have 6 grown kids and grandbabies and am WAY more learned IN TORAH. Chareidi for years -- you're more modern ortho like he is

I can see she's not going to let this go.

A:What does he look like?

Again she doesn't really listen to me.

FOA: also i want a man living in Israel, or who could retire here or move a business here easy; HE has all his culinary connections in NY.
A: Does he have his own business or does he work in a bakery?
FOA: No, he has been offered management jobs in different bakeries... he WANTS to open his own bakery cafe at some point. he is not a lowly worker, he RUNS shifts, etc. and he manages staff.
A: ok... what does he look like?

I'm almost as stubborn as FOA is.

FOA: check out his FB bio

I did. First I saw that he lives in Monsey, which means he's not modern ortho like me, he's more ortho than me. And then I saw his picture. Two words: Rob Reiner.

I just looked at his picture. No, I cannot go out with him.
FOA: ok, forget i offered. i have no idea what your tastes are. i just know he is a LOVELY person, and will make someone a good husband. wishing u all the best.
A: likewise you

There you have it, folks. Why Ayelet is still single. I'm just too darn fussy.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. First, I'll say that you were absolutely right to reject this guy, but not for the reasons you write. I disagree about the age thing. There are a lot of guys who are old at 52, but there are plenty who are youthful, and might be great. I think you have to give them a fair try. Didn't you write you would be open (albeit reluctant) to guys a decade older about a year ago? And what about the Silver Fox? I know he turned out to be a dud, but weren't you initially open to dating him? I think you should give older guys a fair chance. As for education, not every guy without a degree is unintelligent.

    That being said, there's one big red flag about this guy. Her second question to you was about having kids. Which means it's likely he stated that as a requirement to her. A guy who's 52 and will only date someone who can have kids is living in a fantasy world, and isn't worthy of you.

  2. I don't think there is anything wrong with turning down someone whom you know you will not be attracted to - physically or intellectually. A lot of people assume that if a man is single and a woman is single, than they might be a great match purely based on the fact that they are both available. Appreciate the fact that your friend probably had your best interests at heart and move on.