Monday, February 27, 2012

Fort Lee's Finest

I joined a new group on Facebook for Jewish singles. As usual, I've met a bunch of amazing women and some very creepy men who are too old to even think of dating me. Two of them asked me out publicly, and I told them, nicely, that they were out of my age range. One accepted that graciously (but still "Likes" an awful lot of my posts and comments).

The other -- actually the Rob Reiner lookalike that FOA tried so exceedingly hard to set me up with; small world -- started making nasty little passive-aggressive comments on my posts about snotty pretty women who think they're all that. I blocked him for a while, and he seems to have learned not to complain that women who are way out of his league don't want to date him.

I also heard from Mr. Disingenuous (MD). He joined the group but didn't comment publicly on anything I wrote or saw. Instead, he sent me an email:

Hello Ayelet: My name is MD, a new member to this group, single, and would like to be married and maybe one day that will happen. 

Well, I can't predict the future. His photo looked familiar -- I knew I'd seen it on a dating website. But I didn't know anything about him, although I suspected he was somewhat older than I am. So I wrote back:

Hi MD,

How old are you? Ayelet

Then I decided to check his Facebook profile to see if he'd posted his birth year. He had. He is 18 years older than I am. GROSS. I wrote again:

Never mind. I looked at your profile. You are 18 years older than I am. If you had read any of my posts, you would know that I am NOT interested in men who are that much older than I am. I suggest you try to get to know some of the women in the group who are in their late 40s/early 50s.

Loser. Then I got an email from my new friend Suzy:

S: I'm meeting some of my FB friends from another singles group at a Shabbaton this weekend.
A: please let me know if you meet my husband ;)

She took me seriously.

S: There are some really gr8 guys -- Fort Lee's Finest (FLF) and The Turk are from NY. The Turk is 42, but he wants to date girls in their 30s.  I think all the men r just too popular for their own good. I think they start to get big egos.
A: I know. I've known The Turk for a long time -- didn't know he was one of those who like to shop in the Juniors department. I think you're right about men and their egos. The tolerable ones think they're spectacular and too good for the rest of us.
S: lol. That is an interesting way to put it. I've made a lot of friends, but no romance yet.
A: I'm not too optimistic. I hope you have fun!
S: I will. U r a gr8 person and I hope u find ur bashert soon.

That's so sweet. Well, if FLF is as great as she says he is...

A: I don't know FLF.

Now who's disingenuous? ;)

S: He's 47 and divorced about 2 yrs. Has 5 kids. He splits his time between Fort Lee and Manhattan. 

Five kids is a lot, but maybe he'd be open to at least trying for a sixth.

A: Is he open to having more children? I'd go out with him.
S: He is very nice and very in demand. Try to friend him.

Oh, no. No. I'm not going to try to stand out among all the adoring groupies.

A: if he's very in demand, I don't want to be just another girl running after him ;) is he on your friends list? can you suggest that he friend me?
S: Don't know how to do that. I can say something to him at the shabaton if you want. Another thing is that I don't think he is ready to remarry because he's having such a good time.. He found some1 in FL that he went out with for several months and his kids liked her and he wasn't ready to marry.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No. I am not going to fall in love with a man and his children only to end up dumped and lonelier than before.

A: Then don't bother ;) I don't have time to waste on players. Shabbat shalom!

Saturday night she emailed me again:

S: He said at the shabbaton that he doesn't want to have more kids since he has 5 already.
A: Makes sense. And I'm not really trophy wife material.

Apparently FLF is pretty successful.

S: lol. He was flirting with a 27 yr old.
A: a 27yo? That is just pathetic ;)

So I figured that was it for Fort Lee's Finest. But then I got an email from my new friend Aliza:

Hi Ayelet. believe it or not I may have a successful gent that lives in Manhattan in mind for u. He is 47.....if u txt me I can find more info and vice versa. 

Couldn't possibly be the same 47yo. Right?

Hi Aliza -- that would certainly make dating convenient ;) Thank you so much for thinking of me. I have a cold, but you can call me at 212-555-xxxx if you want to discuss over the phone. Or we can email on FB. You are a doll!

She called and we talked. About... Fort Lee's Finest. Aliza wasn't as convinced as Suzy that FLF is only out to have a good time, although she had also heard he was satisfied with his crop of children and not longing to spawn any more. But she thought he might reconsider if he was with someone who really wanted to have a child.

Aliza also told me that he was one of the nicest, kindest mensches she had ever met. She'd spoken to him about me, and he was interested. (It's funny how people in the group have gotten to know me so thoroughly in such a short amount of time. I do post a lot in that group.)

I was hesitant, but we talked about a strategic approach. Say upfront that I'm looking for a husband, not a boyfriend; a life together, not a relationship. And that I would want to at least try to have a child, although I don't plan to undergo any extreme interventions.

Then FLF called. And he was nice. Charming, courteous, laughed at my jokes, had interesting and witty things to say. There's a special tone in a man's voice when he's really paying attention and appreciates and gets what you're saying. Of course, it's possible that a successful businessman might have learned how to fake that appreciative, understanding tone. I guess I'll find out when we go out. He called briefly because he was at a dinner with friends and I needed to go to sleep at 9:30 (my pathetic life). Said he'll call again tonight or tomorrow night so we can set up a time and place to meet.

I will keep you posted. Right now I'm miserable with a stupid cold, congested and exhausted and feverish, but I'm hoping I'll feel better by Thursday.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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