Thursday, March 15, 2012

Back on Jwed -- for now. I need a love life.

Haven't been a paying Jwed member in 9 months. Rejoined today, because they had a sale and because my romantic life is absolutely moribund. In the interim, I received a ton of messages I couldn't delete. Although there was one that I forced Jwed to delete for me. As I wrote to their Help department:

To: support@jwed.com
Subject: Technical: Delete a message from a disgusting old pervert 

A man 20 years older than I am sent me a message. I do not want to see it in my mailbox. Can you delete it? It is the most recent message.

When an elderly person with no photo and nothing written in his profile contacts me, I don't like it. And I didn't want a persistent reminder of him.

Hi Ayelet --I have requested that the tech department remove this message and that request should be completed shortly. I apologize for this negative experience. Best, Jwed support

Sometimes they actually pay attention. Recently the site introduced an "age blocker" feature. If you activate it, people 20 years older (or younger, I suppose) can't contact you. Another of the myriad ways Ayelet makes the world so much better.

Better -- but not good enough.

To: support@jwed.com

Subject: Age filter

I am glad you finally instituted an age filter, but I believe we should be allowed to set our own parameters. Being contacted or viewed by a man who is 16 or 18 years older than I am is almost as disgusting as being contacted by a man who is 20+ years older than I am. Thank you!

This time I guess I'll have to try harder:

Hi Ayelet, thanks for your feedback. We’re still in the early stages of this filter, so it’s good to hear how our members feel about it. We are continuously making changes to the site in order to improve it, so I will certainly pass along your comments to management. However, it might also be a good idea for you to log this suggestion in our Collaboration Center (found under the “Community” page). That way, other members can view this suggestion and voice their support for it. Best, Jwed support

Mulling that one over.

Anyway, today I went into my mailbox and finally read through 9 months' worth of emails. Most were from wholly repugnant men -- otherwise I would have rejoined sooner -- but a few seemed more or less palatable. Or are they?

Geoffrey sent me two emails:

11/22/2011: Ayelet, You are so beautiful! well I must let you know that your profile on here is well placed. I am single and I am looking for a date that would lead to long term relationship. I have a caring and loving heart and am ready to love and be in love. I enjoy playing board games, I am fun to be with, kind and optimistic. I enjoy Cooking and sports. I am interested in getting to know you more and have a better understanding of you. If you don't mind, I will like to communicate with you and relocation to me means nothing. Do you know, true love knows no boundaries even though it crosses many and Where there is true Love, there are always miracles. My desire for you is and always shall be as pure as the tears of lovers in thrall. Because, love is when two people join together and make each other better people for having the other in their life and when there is true love, there are no regrets of the past. Thank you for reading and taking time to check my profile once again. To communicate with you further you can leave me a private email place and I promise to write back to you as quickly as possible, once I am less busy with home duties. Your new found friend, Geoffrey.

Hmmmmm.

11/27/2011: Hey! well I must let you know that your profile on here is well placed. I am single and I am looking for a date that would lead to long term relationship. I have a caring and loving heart and am ready to love and be in love. I enjoy playing board games, I am fun to be with, kind and optimistic. I enjoy Cooking and sports. I am interested in getting to know you more and have a better understanding of you. If you don't mind, I will like to communicate with you and relocation to me means nothing. Do you know, true love knows no boundaries even though it crosses many and Where there is true Love, there are always miracles. My desire for you is and always shall be as pure as the tears of lovers in thrall. Because, love is when two people join together and make each other better people for having the other in their life and when there is true love, there are no regrets of the past. Thank you for reading and taking time to check my profile once again. To communicate with you further you can leave me a private email place here is mine -----@yahoo.com do write me and I promise to write back to you as quickly as possible, once I am less busy with home duties. Your new found friend, Geoffrey

What his "home duties" are I couldn't tell you -- I don't remember what he wrote about himself on his profile, and he has since suspended it. But he left me his email. Judging from the messages he sent me, should I ignore him or reach out?

I heard from another gentleman who has since suspended his Jwed profile -- let's call him Julius.

Beautiful smile you have got.

I'm Julius. I like what I read on your profile and i think we do have a lot in common, and that's a good thing. It is very challenging to capture the interest of another just via words. There's one rule I live by and that's just being me, which I tried to capture in my profile.

Anyway, I won't waste your time with basics about me that you have read on my profile. I'd love to start a conversation, maybe we could chat a little, get to know each other and hopefully meet sometime. Here is my personal e mail address -----@gmail.com

Waiting to hear from you, and if not that you find someone cool.

Have a nice evening, Julius

I don't know the basics. He suspended his profile. Still, that's a remarkably eloquent and persuasive email. I think I'll send him something like:

Hey Julius -- remember Ayelet from Jwed? You wrote me a beautiful note back in August 2011 and included your email. I hope I'm not out of line contacting you now. If you're still available, I'd love to get to know you better -- and since you suspended your profile, I'd love to hear the basics ;)

If Jwed allowed us to read messages when we're not premium members, I think I would have rejoined and contacted Julius. Unfortunately, there are a few men who didn't leave me an email address and have since suspended their membership, so I can't contact them. Like this fellow:

i love the way you narrate everything about you... will really appreciate it if you can check out my profile for us to get to know more about each other

He likes my writing. A man of discernment and taste. Alas. Not in this lifetime, darling.

There are several guys who wrote me a while back and are still paying members, so I sent them responses. One wrote back to me less than 15 minutes later, but we're not really saying much. He says he owns a restaurant, so I'll call him Monsieur Restauranteur, or MR.

hi
love kids, so if you have children, that's a plus
good reason

That's all he wrote. I was confused.

Good reason for... ?


He clarified 20 minutes later:

I loved you noted that you love children
My name is MR and I'm looking for love 

Well, he certainly gets right to the point. I'm not sure how interested I am. He didn't go to college. But he appears to be gainfully employed, in good shape, and has children. And he's very interested, at least so far.

Are you also willing to have another child? I don't know if I'm able to have a baby, but I definitely want to try. 

If he can be blunt and to the point, so can I. We'll see what ensues.

I nicely declined another guy, who lives in Florida, doesn't keep kosher or observe any rituals, and just didn't seem like a good fit. I wrote back to two others, who haven't responded yet. And then there was a new guy, who just wrote me this evening:

i saw your profile and my eyebrows raised higher than a tower block... anyway i just wanted you to know that you look huggable from 60,000 miles away.. Hows your week been?

Let's call him UK Bloke, since he lives across the pond. I must say that he's visually very perceptive, as I am extremely huggable, but I'm not sure that's appropriate to trumpet in an intro email. Here is his self-description.

Highly creative and caring would sum me up. I design guitars in my spare time between which help bring in money on top of my day job. I have very creative roots. I love composing relaxing music too that gives me great pleasure. I gives life meaning. I'd like to exend my spare time with someone special in my life to be something special to the love I hope to find in my next partner - a meaningful relationship. There is a good heart here for the right lady. You know I am a doing sort of fella, which means I follow through with conviction. I enjoy social things, love squash and playing once a week, and now planning on toaning up more in the gym. I love BBQ's, enjoy laughter creating music, comedy the arts. I take the view "honesty is the best policy". I am flowing my thoughts to you, without a heap of emotional baggage. I am seeking to find a lady I can have quality time with and not just a TEXT only  [...]relationship. So... say hello and I will inspire you with something if your looking for the real anytime soon.

He is seeking:

A person who is currently single without too much emotional baggage. Someone who isn't agist or selfish. Comes over as honest as their profile. Seeking someone with a warm heart like me. I do not mind if you are shy or a little forward, it's good intention that i really value. Someone to connect with, share feelings, and build relationships with others as you will find me calm and decent even in the midst of conflict. Thanks for reading my profile, now it's time to get in touch with me if you think we click ;-) 

I really don't know what to make of UKB. Why is he so worried about "agist" women? Is he stalking 20somethings? Not sure if I'll respond to him.

Speaking of 20somethings, I got a message from 29yo Chad669 at 2:03am today, mere hours before I rejoined:

Hey, What's doing??

yes, i know i may be a little bit too young, but... I saw your profile and you sound interesting and you look REALLY GOOD!
Want to chat?
Where do u live in the city?????

Good night, Chad

I didn't take him too seriously.

I live in Manhattan. I'm flattered you think I sound interesting and look REALLY GOOD (you sweet talker, you!), but are we looking for the same things? I want to get married and have a baby.

Best, Ayelet

Apparently we aren't:

Hey Ayelet, good morning,

You wake up early... :)

and... regarding ur question... the truth is, i am not sure (Same things), but we still can meet, just for the fun... :)

any chance?

have a good day, Chad

No chance. I'll give him the response that message deserves. Silence.

So far there seems to be some activity crack-a-lackin'. I just wonder if this is Charlie Brown and the football all over again. I've been on Frumster/Jwed since its inception in 2000, and I'm still single. Am I just throwing good money after bad?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

2 comments:

  1. I look around 42 even though I am in my 50's Intergenerational true and reciprocal love is unusual in the ashkenasi tradition but not specifically so When the Chofetz Chaim,s first wife died when he was seventy, his community d, was did not want him to be alone. The wife they found him and who he married was 35 at the time and they were blessed with two more children.There may be many legitimate reasons why men remain unmarried at my age, and still are halachically bound to fulfil the mitzvah to have children.In the non jewish world there are many many woman of 35 plus who have happy and meaningful lives with partners who are up to a generation older than them.If you have personal preferences these must of course be repected.But please be aware that your lobbying may prevent some well deserving and decent folk from having the biggest gift in the world, the love one can give and receive from the blessings of being a parent.kol tuv

    ReplyDelete
  2. In my experience, many men who say they look much younger don't. And unless you're a true Gadol b'Torah, don't compare yourself to the Chofetz Chaim. A man who is 30 years older than I am wrote to me on Frumster. He looks every year his age, and he said, "Yaakov was much older than Rachel and they were happy." So now he's Yaakov Avinu? Please. If women want to marry men old enough to be their fathers, that's fine, but I'm not interested in that, and I'm sick of being denigrated by unattractive old men for not wanting to date them.

    ReplyDelete