Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I won, so why am I still mad?

A few weeks ago I wrote about being denied a place on my professional organization's substance abuse treatment committee. I hadn't heard anything, so I emailed the official to ask for an update.

Hi Ayelet -- I haven't heard anything back. I will contact the President and when she can, she'll get back to you.

Today I got a not-quite-contrite email from Narrow-Minded Twit:

Dear Ayelet,

Your letter about your concerns about the substance abuse committee has been forwarded to me.

I am working on the formation of this committee with KK, NYC Chapter president and LO, NYC Chapter treasurer. We got an enormous response to our notice of this new committee. We have decided to begin with a study group to be meeting once monthly for six months. Everyone who responded with interest is invited. If you would like to join this study group please let me know. I did not invite your earlier because I had the impression that a group with a focus on integrating psychotherapy theory and practice with treatment of addiction was not the group you were looking for.

Your point of view and population is important. It could be the focus of a new committee within the Met Chapter. There is also a new committee on trauma which is now forming. If you are interested in these opportunities please contact KK.

I'll keep you posted on the progress of the formation of the study group. We are currently negotiating for space.

Narrow-Minded Twit, LCSW

I don't know why I'm so angry, when I got what I wanted. Aside from the fact that she's lying through her teeth when she says "I had the impression that a group with a focus on integrating psychotherapy theory and practice with treatment of addiction was not the group you were looking for." That was exactly the group I was looking for.

Addicts lie; clinicians who treat addicts shouldn't. Another damn lie: "Everyone who responded with interest is invited." Because she gave me the distinct impression that others were going to be invited but I shouldn't expect to be.

It's true that the professional organization could start a forensic or re-entry committee as well as substance abuse, but substance abuse is much more basic, and I want to be a part of that.

Or do I? Do I even care? All I do at my job is review treatment plans, audit charts, and refer people elsewhere for actual treatment. I have again managed to seriously piss off my supervisor, and it's only partly her fault. I'm not getting LCSW hours, and I feel like my career is never going to go anywhere. Like my pathetic personal life.

I didn't write back to NMT; I was angry and wanted to cool down. Tomorrow I'll send her something gracious, with not a hint of vindication.

In other news: I decided not to go out with Monsieur Restauranteur when he cancelled a few hours before the date, leaving a voicemail suggesting I just stop by his restaurant because he really wanted to meet me. If he really wants to meet me,  he will have to try harder. I also got two blatant indecent proposals on Jwed. Once again, renewing my subscription was a waste of money. When will I learn?

I tried passion flower supplements, which are supposed to be Nature's benzodiazepines, and ended up sick in bed for several days. Nausea, stomach cramps that felt like I was being wrung out like a rag, palpitations. Withdrawal. I'm fine now; saw Dr. Cool and Dr. R, and I won't take those again.

After the MRIs and X rays showed that there's nothing visibly wrong with my knees, I was referred to a very pricey acupuncturist. I hope that means she's good. I'll start seeing her next week.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Thursday, April 05, 2012

"When Moshiach comes, women will want to date older men"

Obviously not a direct quote from me. It was written as part of a feverish exchange of comments in one of my Facebook "single & Jewish" groups (I belong to about 6). Starting with the post:

Girl #1: you mean this is a group for both men AND women in their 40s and 50s? You mean there are actually guys who are 40 or 50 who are actually open to dating women the same age? ... is Moshiach here or was there some kind of error?

The first commenter showed some common sense:

Normal Guy: We are ready, willing, and most of us are able!

The next commenter... not so much.

Dickhead: Why should a woman want a man her own age? It makes no sense. A wise woman who wants to marry should stop complaining and date the chronologically older, mature men, who thinks she's an awesome hot young chick! Those men are everywhere. However old a woman is there is always an older gent who thinks she is a gem!

You all know my policy about dating much-older men, so I weighed in:

Ayelet: Yes, a gem who can change his Depends and chauffeur him around to doctor's appointments. No thank you.

Another girl followed suit:

G#2: Just askin', Dickhead. Actual age is not a huge factor for me. Emotional age is far more important. Wondering how the other half thinks...do you think you're representative of your gender?

He does.

Dickhead: Men want someone younger. Women want someone their age. That's the problem in a nutshell. If either would change, we'd all be married.

Technically he's right, but why shouldn't men become more reasonable?

Ayelet: So of course women should change.
Dickhead: Of course women will complain about men.

Don't change the subject, dickhead.

G#2: Of course. Everyone knows men are far more stubborn.
Ayelet: Of course men NEVER give us cause for complaint ;)
Dickhead: and complain. It's always our fault.

In this case, yes it is.

Ayelet: Not being willing to date people your own age? Yes. That's your fault. You do realize that the other women in the group are going to read this and think you're not willing to date them, don't you? Unless you were hoping we'd fix you up with our daughters and nieces ;)

I think that hit a nerve.

Dickhead: Yes, beat up on the men. I won't be in the group much longer. Leave you women to complain about men
G#2: Is there an echo in here?

I like her.

Ayelet: Once again, post comments are proving to be a valuable screening tool ;)
G#2: You said it, sister.
Dickhead: Yes who wants a bitter woman

Who wants a dickhead?

G#2: You still here?

I really like her!

Ayelet: G#2, I hope this is the last Pesach you and I are wandering in this desert :)
G#2: Amen. May we dance at one another's wedding.
Ayelet: Amen. With husbands who DON'T need walkers! ;)
Dickhead: Picky picky picky picky.

He just gets more and more attractive, doesn't he?

G#2: And after all that, I'm still a hopeless romantic...
Ayelet: Not all men are blockheaded, G#2 ... despite recent evidence.

And one of them proved me right.

NG: I think it's ridiculous when I go to an event for singles in their 40-55 age range and there are 20 women and 3 men. I'm sure there are societal reasons for this phenomenon but I just don't get it. The closer people are in age the more commonalities there can be for a true bonding.....
Ayelet: The men in their 50s won't consider dating women in their 40s. MUCH too old for them! ;)

And that's what led to the title of this post:

Dickhead: When Moshiach comes women will want to date older men. Until then age-equivalent events will draw more women than men

I wasn't the only one floored by that statement.

NG: The blame is totally on the men!
Dickhead: It's always the men's fault. Women are blameless. Just ask them

Or ask a Normal Guy.

NG: I am being serious. I know soooo many men who would never consider dating an older woman, let alone someone their own age. Women are much more flexible and realistic in this regard!

This is what I'm up against in the dating world. However, I'm now considering going out with Normal Guy. He asked me a while ago, but the 10-year age gap made me hesitate. But he's shown himself to be a decent guy, not just in this exchange but in other comments. I emailed him and he apparently has a pretty thick skin. We're going to talk again after the holiday.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"