Saturday, May 05, 2012

Random creep of the week.

I'm so impressed with Chaim Levin. He's an adorable boychick who was raised chassidish but grew up gay. He blogs about his journey of self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-love, and pride. Openly. With his picture and his name.

I'm still hiding. I freaked out when a snotty little bitch who thought herself a matchmaker blabbed about my blog to a man I blogged about. And I don't know why. I'm not ashamed of what I am. I work incredibly hard to function at a very high level. I excel at a difficult job, in part because of my disability -- very few other social workers know as much about medications as I do, because I've taken so many.

But I'm not putting my face and my name on my blog. I don't even know how much longer I want to continue writing it. Lately it seems I don't have much to say, and when I do say something, I regret it. And I definitely don't want any man I date to read it. Because that's what scared Ivan the Terrible away from me.

I'm also uncomfortable with having a "public" persona. I always thought I'd love being a "celebrity." But there's a dark side to being known, and that's being contacted by random creeps offering "comfort."

Yuck. So here's the random creep of the week, 1jaybald@gmail.com. He emailed me:

Hi.

I had no idea who he was, but I wrote back "Hi." He responded:

what's up?

That's a very vague question, especially if I have no idea who he is.

who r u?

I asked. He answered,

Moshe

That really doesn't help me, because it doesn't tell me how you know me.

Moshe who? Do I know you?

Ayelet has a lot of friends, and fans, on Facebook. If he's one of them, maybe that would explain why he's contacting me.

Still not...... I wanna know u

The slightly awkward construction ("still not" as opposed to "not yet") tells me he's probably a creepy black-hat guy who thinks Facebook was created so he could screw around behind his wife's back. Already I suspect his agenda. But maybe I'm being too suspicious. Maybe he has a good reason for wanting to get to know me. Maybe he's struggling with depression or bipolar.

Why?

I asked. I did not like his answer:

Wanna b ur freind

That's not reassuring. Not because of the spelling error, but because he's being vague. Why does he want to be my friend? If he's not saying why, his reasons are most likely shady. Maybe I'm jaded, but I did not want to learn anything more about him.

I don't know anything about you, so this seems very creepy

That got rid of him. But now I'm thinking, I don't like being this reflexively distrustful. I expose myself to creepy contacts like this. Maybe I need to shut down the exposure.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

2 comments:

  1. I have a fairly controversial blog and so does my husband, and yet we still have no problem with each other's blogs (Even though I personally disagree with some things he writes). In fact my blog inspired my husband to start his blog several years ago. The right person will not be threatened by a blog, they will let you grow and be yourself and be proud of your for your hobbies, even if they don't have the same ones.

    I know you really want to get marry, but ivan was terrible for a reason.

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  2. It's not the fact that I have a blog -- it's what I blog about, the severity of my symptoms, the pain and despair. But you're right, Ivan WAS terrible for a reason ;)

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