Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Aitian Ger

A male friend set me up with a Haitian convert. I didn't know anything about him except that my friend thought the ger was nice and edel. We spoke on the phone tonight and it was very unpleasant for me.

First of all, he speaks softly with a very heavy accent. So it was difficult to understand what he was saying. Second, he absolutely refused to tell me how old he is.

"When you see me, it won't matter," he said.

"How you look doesn't matter," I said. "I look 10 years younger than I am, but I would never try to pretend I'm not 42."

"Forty-two?" he said eagerly. "I am fine with that!"

I'll bet he is fine with that. And that eagerness, along with his evasiveness, tells me he's probably older than 52. Much older. It all just added up to incredibly creepy -- how he tried to make a date after speaking to me for two minutes, how he evaded that very basic question. In fact, he evaded a lot of questions. He said, "I used to go to the Metropolitan Opera."

"Why don't you go any more?" I asked.

He hemmed and hawed before admitting, "Well, because I wear a black hat, it doesn't look right," he said.

Someone that black-hat is never going to be right for me. Someone who lives in Monsey, and keeps cholov yisroel, cannot be right for me. I'm trying to be open to possibilities, but this one was just too unpleasant. I've gone on too many awful dates to have the stomach for any more. And I know I might have been wrong about some men in the past, and I know some of you think I'm too darn judgmental -- but I've developed decent instincts about men, which have been proven right before. I am not going out with men that give me a sinking feeling. I can't do that anymore.

It didn't help that earlier today a particularly ugly man on Jwed decided to email me again, even though I've turned him down several times. I also got an email from another guy I've declined who seems to have made some changes. Before, he was rotund. His new pictures is slimmer. Before, he hadn't finished college. Now he has his bachelor's and calls himself "well-educated." I'm still not particularly attracted to him, but I wonder who he really is, and if he's really not that bad.

I also, on a whim, joined a French dating website, and was shocked to get several emails from cute little Frenchies in their 20s. I'm trying not to let it go to my head. All they could possibly want is a green card -- I couldn't have a future with someone half my age. I really can't see it. I don't want to be with someone much older, and I don't think I want to be with someone much younger either.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. This might be a double post, but I suggest you date more reformed and conservative Jews. My experience is that the older and more observant the man, the "weirder" he is. I think many less observant Jewish men would be open to dating a more observant woman than themselves because many appreciate what a more observant woman can bring to the home - the men just don't know how to do it themselves. Forget Frumster/Jwed and sign up for JDate - it is the lesser of the two evils.