Tuesday, June 05, 2012

"Your friends and family celebrate the gift of YOU!"

That's a message posted on the "real" Ayelet Survivor's Facebook page. So far I've gotten more than 100 messages. I'm really trying to feel happy and blessed by all this, but it's overshadowed by the knowledge that the Guy Ayelet Made Eat Kale (Gamek) is going to dump me tomorrow.

Gamek is very attractive, especially notable since he's 48, which is usually a little old to pique Ayelet's interest. We've had two dinner dates. First date I chose the restaurant. Well, we negotiated. I suggested Cafe Blossom, which is vegan. He hadn't been impressed in the past, so I thought of places on the Upper West Side where men eat meat. I hadn't been to Mike's Bistro since I dated G.I. Josh, and RD-SOB also took me there. But that was a while ago. It's a lot pricier now, but Gamek said that was okay.

We had what I thought was a nice dinner. We shared the chateaubriand, which was Gamek's choice (I was happy with either that or the duck breast) but probably a little too rare for his taste, since he left a very pink chunk of it on his plate, and chocolate mousse cake with raspberry sauce, which is usually splattered on the plate, on the side. At his request. Gamek's apparently something of a picky eater, which I can relate to, as I've been accused of the same.

He walked me home and kissed me on the cheek. He asked if I'd ever gone to the JCC on Shavuot, when they present lectures and programs all night. I said I had in the past. He asked if I'd like to meet him there and said he'd be there around 10. I didn't want to seem too eager, so I got there at 10:25. I didn't see him, he didn't see me, but he called after the holiday and we made plans to go to dinner two nights ago at Ozu. Another vegan restaurant, but one he chose entirely on his own, since I felt bad about the hefty Mike's Bistro price tag and told him to surprise me.

I also suggested Gamek have kale with his wild salmon, instead of root vegetables. Gamely, he ordered it (with teriyaki sauce on the side), but left most of it on his plate. I felt bad, until we went to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for dessert and Gamek decided he didn't like any of the options (who doesn't like espresso cheesecake brownies and lemon bars?) and we ended up at Cafe Edgar's. Then Gamek walked me home, kissed me on the cheek and said, "Have a good week."

While I was dating Ivan the Terrible, I prayed it would work and ignored the gut feeling that it wouldn't. Of course, I had a gut feeling after our first date that there wouldn't be a second, but now I've got an even stronger feeling that there won't be a third. Because I told him that today, which happens to be my birthday, I was going to see the transit of Venus with friends. He hasn't called to break up with me tonight -- yet. He tends to call rather late. But he's probably going to wait until tomorrow, at least, to say he's not interested. I feel it in my gut.

It's been my plan to give up at age 50. (I've been researching methods, but all of the "painless suicide" Google searches just lead you to people who don't want you to die. Very inefficient.) But with so many friends and family loving me, I need to amend that decision. As long as I'm not in excruciating physical pain or unbearable circumstances (and I do reserve the right to define what's unbearable), I guess I will try to hold out a little longer. But I don't think I'll be able to attend my nieces' weddings as a spinster. I think that would just break my heart more than it's already broken, because as much as I love them, I will be drowning in bitterness and it will be like dancing in red-hot iron shoes.

So there's no set expiration date. I will have to wait and see how things are after 50. In other news, the knees are responding to the chiropractic and the respite. I go back to work next Monday. I have jury duty the Monday after that, which I see as kind of a relief.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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