Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Philippe the Phreak, or, Don't knock Ayelet's instincts

A new person joined my Middle-Aged Jews on Facebook group. I will refer to all commenters by their initials, with a lower-case "m" or "f" appended to indicate gender.

DPm: Welcome to the group Philippe! Give us a holler when you are coming to the States

SAf: Hello Philippe!

SPf: welcome Philippe!

Ayelet: bienvenue Philippe

Philippe: Waw what a welcoming! Halevay I would be accepted like this in all circles! God Bless you all!

Makes me wonder: where exactly isn't he accepted?

After a few more generic "welcome"s, another person chimed in:

RHf: Hallo, Philippe! Welcome, Welcome..What's the weather like in France today? We are a friendly bunch...

Philippe: Cloudy and raining! :(

I'll still try to be nice, because everyone tells me I judge people too quickly.

Ayelet: We'll try to send some sunshine your way, Philippe ;)

Philippe: thats very kind of you all! You are such sweethearts! I wish all girls and women were like you here!!!

Hmm. How many bad experiences with girls and women has he had... and why?

PSf: awww - we "spread the love" my dear !

Philippe: I like that very much PS! I love to spread the love as well! I love you all with all my heart and soul.

You just met us, Philippe. Still, I accepted his friend request and we emailed a bit:

Philippe: Bonjour Ayelet, I don’t know what language to write you because you wrote me in French while you live in the states! I would like to thank you for your heartwarming welcoming me! I do really appreciate it from you! It’s a shame we live so far from each other away! Yours, with love, Philippe

Okay, maybe it’s the language barrier. And his English is definitely much better than my French. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy. I’ll be nice.

Ayelet: English is better. My French is extremely limited. It is a shame we're so far apart, but we can still get to know each other.

Philippe: Indeed we can! I am born and raised in Marseilles, France! I am looking for a wife... I am still single and never married so I don’t have a package! 

I think he means “baggage.”

Philippe: I am almost 32 and I am looking for a girl or a woman. Almost all ages are for me. Preferably I would like to have a older wife or older woman to be my wife.

Ayelet: The group you joined is for people 35 and older. Most of us are over 40.

Philippe: thats lovely! thats what I actually am looking for! do you think that there might be one woman who likes younger guys?

That’s distinctly odd. In theory, I think all men should be that open to dating older women. But I sense there’s something off about this guy.

Ayelet: Why do you want a woman 8 or more years older than you are?

Philippe: They are more mature and more serious when it comes to dating. They had already the experience from were they have learned I hope valuable lessons! They won’t fool you around like young chicks do.

He’s wrong. He definitely has a package.

Ayelet: Sounds like you've had a lot of bad experiences with women your own age and younger.

A nice generic social-worker question, designed to get someone to open up. Must have been force of habit.

Philippe: yes I have! it was terrible

I know I complain about dating. Do I sound like that? He sounds weird to me. Then Philippe posted in the group, and he really let his phreak phlag phly.

Philippe: As it is a group for singles why not presenting myself here and the one who might be interested in me could send me a note in private for more detail or asking maybe specific questions or maybe even ask me to go out with somebody, who knows. I am Philippe from France. I have been growing up here since ever. Raised and grew up here, went to Jewish schools.

Today I am looking to date for serious relationships. I am a fun guy to be with if you are open to get to know me. I can be serious as well. I keep Shabbat and kosher. I go on Saturdays to synagogue. For more information, please contact me! Don’t be shy, shyness will lead you to nowhere and it will keep you alone for your whole life. So please, don’t be shy! 

That’s a little... overeager. But maybe the dating pool is much smaller in France and he's already gone through all the eligibles.

Philippe: Oh and by the way, I am 32 years old. Ok, I admit somewhat too young for this group but I would like to date for serious and getting to know nice and serious women out there which I haven’t found till now dating young hot chicks. Please contact me if you are interested. I would like and love to meet older women! For all of you out there, much success!!

People started commenting. Mostly female people.

LGf: You had me until 'young, hot chicks'. Chicks prefer not to referred to as chicks.

Philippe: they themselfs are saying to me that they prefer to be called that

Where, in biker bars?

Philippe: I had with someone an argument that this is not the way they want to be referred by it and she then said: by you its different because you may say so but you at least treat a woman like a queen when it comes to "tachlis" and other treat woman like "sh...". Those are not my words. BTW, LG, I never had you in the first place!

"I never had you"? That must be language-related.

SPf: ? Philippe, the way it is worded ('Ok, I admit somewhat too young for this group but I would like to date for serious and getting to know nice and serious women out there which I haven’t found till now dating young hot chicks') makes me feel like you are saying you have been idling your time going out with 'young hot chicks', but now are ready to be serious with not young not hot chicks - does that make sense? do you see how it could be taken as a negative and not a compliment? I find the term 'chick' for a woman to be degrading.

Not everyone was skeptical.

RLf: Nah, I just see it as Philippe's young and he's tired of the silly, dilly women he's been dating. And now wants to meet more mature young women. :)

SPf: and who might prefer not being called chicks!

MBf: <---young hot chick

It's a diverse group.

Philippe: Indeed I have been dating ugly, silly, dumb, young girls. I am tired of that. What I mean to say by hot chicks is that the girls I have been dating think that they are hot and so allow themselves to reject any man they really want and so giving a hard time for those who really want to date for serious and really get into a serious relationship.

I am not complimenting hot chicks on their natural beauty because they didn’t do a thing to be like that. It’s their mom and dad who made her hot like that and that hotty won’t stay long so they want to take advantage of it. Well not for me.

A real nice girl wouldn’t behave like that and let suffering guys like that. And why do the guys have to go all the way to the girl so she'd be able to reject me from her couch? Hell no! Not any more. You wanna date me, do an effort so that you will think twice before dumping somebody and causing pain.

Feel the pain as a guy has to go always and do all the efforts to see her. Therefore I don’t travel any more and if I do travel I want her at least to pay for my expenses. that would be 50/50 and equal for both of us or if she comes to see me I would pay for her but I know from experience that any girl would never come, and why is that, do you think??

Because you’re a Phreak and emotionally damaged in any language? And I thought Ayelet was bitter. I decided not to get involved, but it wasn’t that easy, because he emailed me again:

Philippe: haha are you a bitch?
you are a child too?
I also am a sinner

I have a quote from Meredith Brook’s song “Bitch” on my FB profile.

Ayelet: It's a quote from a song.

Philippe: there is a lot to read, maybe I'll do that some other time
oh ok I see,are you a nurse or a doctor?

I didn’t answer immediately.

Philippe: hello, are you ok? did I say something that made you mad at me?

Not exactly. More like scared.

Ayelet: no... sorry, it's been a busy day

Not really busy -- I went to the chiropractor, I bought a computer chair, I had a disappointing date -- but I just didn’t feel like talking to him.

Philippe: oops, ok I am really sorry
I won’t bother you now then, have a good evening and be well

Ayelet: bon soir

He didn’t take the hint. Or keep his word. Maybe I should have said "bonne nuite." Two hours later he IMed me.

Philippe: ? hi

Ayelet: hi... sorry, I’m not in the mood to chat right now

Nothing personal, I just don’t feel like chatting. Anyone would understand and respect that. Right?

Philippe: what is mood?

For cryin’ out loud, use Google Translate! He didn’t, so I did.

Ayelet: pas dans l'humeur

Normally if you say “I’m not in the mood to chat,” people STOP trying to chat you up. Not Philippe.

Philippe: what happened? there must be something that happened?!!!
j'ai compris! merci!

I’m not going to tell a total stranger how I feel! Well. . . not unless I blog about it. Why can’t he take the hint?? (Starting to understand why dating hasn’t worked out so well for him.)

Ayelet: I just don't feel like chatting right now!

He won’t let it go.

Philippe: why is that that women have moods like that and men dont? Are you in menopause?

WHAT THE -- ??????????????? Not only is he rude for not leaving me alone, that is a HORRIBLE question to ask someone in her early 40s!!!

I lost patience.

Ayelet: NO! How can you ask such a personal question???? I'm tired and I dont' feel like chatting with someone I dont know!

You can tell by the typos how annoyed I am.

Philippe: so why are you acting like that? I can ask whatever I want and if you dont like it, please dont like it! but I am asking myself why woman have always those moods? its not when it will come to speaking to guys and you say that you are not in the mood.

Clearly this is NEVER going to go anywhere.

Ayelet: It is late. I am tired. I told you I didn't want to speak, and instead of saying "good night" and trying to chat another time, you are still trying to get me to chat.

Philippe: good night, bye!

Let’s hope so. I really hope it's true, as my girlfriends and I always say, that all the good Jewish guys are married. And I hope they're having kids. Because if the future of the Jewish nation depends on people like me and Philippe the Phreak, we are really doomed.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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