Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Happy fucking birthday, Ayelet

So today's my birthday. Another birthday without a husband, children, or house. But I do have a job I'm good at, and I was busy all day. At one point, I noticed my knees were really aching; yesterday I walked a few blocks farther than I normally do, and I'm still regretting that. But then I got caught up in a few more case conferences and forgot the pain.

My aunt Luba is in town. With her daughter and granddaughter. They landed yesterday. She called last week to see if I was available for dinner today. I told her I probably would be. We spoke again this afternoon and chose a time and a restaurant. Even though my knees were killing me and I'm exhausted because of my stupid work schedule, I went.

And Luba showed up with her friend Linda and my mother.

I was immediately incensed. I told her, "You had no right to do that" and stomped out of the restaurant. Scowled all the way home.

For a while, as I ignored Luba's phone calls, I considered what I wanted to tell her. "Fuck you" of course topped the list. I also ruminated over my anger at my mother, who just sent me a birthday card addressed to "Miss Ayelet Survivor." Like I need to be reminded I don't have a husband. I crossed out my address and wrote "Return to Sender" on it.

But I also wanted to explain to Luba that so many people have hurt me badly and none of them have faced any consequences. The personal trainer who destroyed my knees. The co-workers who bullied me. My mother is choosing to financially support the man who sexually abused me. So if he won't face any consequences, she sure as hell will.

Luba also wanted me to meet up with her and her granddaughter on Sunday to show them around Central Park. I think my knees are going to hurt much too much for me to do that.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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