Saturday, May 17, 2014

The MINUTE I go OTD, God sends me a frum guy on OKCupid

So I've been seeing this guy. Two coffee dates and many telephone conversations. I know -- according to The Rules it should be the other way around. He's about 7 years younger than I am, went to YU undergrad and got an MBA from University of Phoenix. Pretty cute; not too tall, not too skinny, not too fat, nice smile. Not my toxic type. Never married (so he says), gainfully employed (so he says), lives with his parents because of Hurricane Sandy (so he says; obviously several things need to be verified).

Things I like about him:

  1. We have great conversations. We don't always agree on everything, but we seem to agree on most of the things that are most important to me. We have fun together. Sitting in a cafe drinking coffee with him is more fun than going to my favorite museum with someone I'm not into. Which leads to...
  2. love talking to him on the phone or in person. Even when we disagree. There are zero awkward pauses, although there are some meaningful silences. He's fun, funny, exasperating, sometimes rigid and stubborn. (Remind you of anyone?)
  3. He sought me out. Even though I'm older. My age doesn't bother him (so he says), which I can't say about most men my age.
  4. Initially we emailed and spoke on the phone. I got impatient that he hadn't made plans to get together with me, and we had a minor fight about that via email. I said we should either go out already or stop corresponding altogether. He agreed. Then, after a few weeks, he emailed me again and we made plans and finally went out.
  5. He thinks I'm gorgeous, hilarious, sexy, and smart. Doesn't think I'm fat, which I can't say about most men my age.
  6. He's pretty sexy. He emphasizes, indirectly, that satisfying me would be top priority. 
  7. He says adorable retro things like "if you were my girl, you'd be on my arm and I'd be showing you off." Teeny bit sexist, yes, but I like it.
  8. From what he says and how he presents himself, I think he'd be able to accept my bipolar disorder and like me despite it. I can't really explain how I know this; it's just a gut feeling. And I'm trying to listen to my gut more than my head or heart, since those organs are so frequently wrong.

Things I don't like:

  1. On our first date, he said he had no problem with gay people. This is not strictly true. Apparently he's opposed to gay marriage and thinks homosexuality is unnatural. I am bothered by this, because I'm an LGBTQI ally both personally and professionally. Homosexuality is not unnatural, it's just somewhat rare, like blue eyes. It's not the majority, but that doesn't make it unnatural.
  2. He's pretty religious. He would want his wife to cover her hair and dress modestly in public. What that entails I'm not quite sure; it seems a bit negotiable. For example, if I were in his parents' home and nobody was there but family, would I have to cover my hair? I don't think so, but he's not sure. I've told him a million times I am never going to wear tights or pantyhose every day of the year. I generally only wear them from late October through late March. 
  3. There's a lot I don't know about him. Although, to be fair, there's an extreme amount he doesn't know about me. 

Would I be willing to go back to religious observance in order to get married? Would I really cover my glorious hair? Absolutely. Does that make me a hypocrite? Don't really care. I'm enjoying getting to know him, and I'll see where it goes. I'll have my friends do some research on him. And I'm not giving him a funny nickname, because I don't want to write about him very much on here.

In other news, my start date was pushed back to May 27, so I have almost another week free. I have to go in on May 19 for a brief meeting with HR to fill out paperwork, and May 21 for an all-day department meeting. On May 20 I'm finally taking the CASAC exam; hopefully I'll pass so they can put it on my business cards.

Overall I'm pretty happy right now. I hope that doesn't mean disaster's about to strike.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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